The Trolls Invade the Fort

[The Troll 67]

It's hard to follow the rules for golf car driving when you're not old enough to read.

 

Ka-zing! Couldn't have possibly said it better myself. What's the deal with the golf carts being driven by 12-year-olds? And why doesn't Disney enforce its own rules? There is a safety/liability issue there.

 

Didn't Pat Benatar teach us "one-Way, or another..."

 

It was Blondie.

 

Finally caught up and I am in

 

Joining the party a bit late, aren't we?

 

Not at all. My skills are eroding quickly. With the kids listening to bands like Fun or LMFAO, it's surprising I remember any of the good stuff. :)

 

Ha ha. Remember when our parents said that about our music?

 

OK, Troll, I'm caught up.

 

Thanks for the head's up about the S&D.  I've never stepped foot in there either, and now I don't need too.

 

Although maybe I should go and see the mauve for myself just once.

 

I love that idea you had about the walking tour of the Fort.  I will look forward to reading that report.

 

TCD

 

You can go see the mauve for yourself, but you will be underwhelmed. Or, well, overwhelmed by the loud, garish colors.

 

And you know, I just don't know where I get all these great ideas for trip report content!

 

In my best queens english accent, " More please."

 

More is on the way!

[The Troll 67]

Time for more!

 

You know, sadly, we're nearing the end of this report. So as we wind down, let's take a look at a quick list of things the Troll does not like, shall we?

 

• DVCs
• The "Richard Petty Loud Car Experience"
• It's a Small World
• People who blatantly flout rules...you know, like the rule about keeping your dogs on leashes
• Soarin'
• Stitches' "Great" Escape
• The four crappy loops with no wilderness in them
• The Tree of Life
• The Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse
• The Tiki Room
• The loud, annoying racetrack thing at MK...whatever it's called
• The Country Bears
• Kids

 

Now let's take a look at some things the Troll does like. This is not an all-inclusive list:

 

• Splash Mountain
• Big Thunder Mountain Railroad
• Goofy Barnstormers
• The Haunted Mansion
• The Pirates of the Caribbean
• The Porch of Delight
• Rocking Chairs
• The Meadow(s) Trading Post
• Epcot Food
• RNRRC
• Tower of Terror
• The Meadow(s) Pool and its very cool slide
• Typhoon Lagoon
• The movie theater at DTD
• The Wilderness Lodge
• 'Ohana's
• Dogs

 

As you can plainly see, the list of things I like is longer than the list of things I don't like. And you know what? I'm willing to bet that 90% of people on this board agree with my Like/Don't Like lists. They just may not to admit out loud that they are convinced "Soarin'" sucks, is way overrated, and is nowhere near worth waiting 75 minutes to "ride."

 

You know what else? If someday I'm diagnosed with a terminal illness, I'm going to pull a Wreck-It-Ralph on "It's a Small World." Wouldn't that be cool? Can't you just imagine a 95-year-old troll jumping out of that little boat and shouting, "I'm gonna wreck it!" as he starts hitting the heads off those multinational dolls or whatever they are like baseballs? Ahhhh...that would make the fact that I was about to die so much easier to cope with.

 

Anyway, let's get caught up on our "Loopin'":

 

 

This site actually has some of that "grass" stuff:

 

 

 

 

Mrs. Troll and I have never stayed in the 100 or 200 loops. I don't know if we ever will. The 800 and 900 loops are too awesome.

 

 

 

I sure hope you're enjoying these photos, because I'm not.

 

I think they suck.

 

Along with paying $85 to play checkers, a game you can play for free at Cracker Barrel or on the Internet, you can also play basketball, a game you can play for free at your local park:

 

 

I don't think the guy who owns this white SUV is parked legally:

 

 

Hey, check this out:

 

 

Isn't that awesome?

 

And check this out:

 

 

Isn't that also awesome?

[GaDawgFan.....Kelly 799]

 

Hey, check this out:

 

 

 

 These look like devil dogs that might walk off leash.

[GOBA Mom Lynn 18]

Yes...Awesomely cute!

Love the hammock, too.

:thumbsup3:

[CoachClough 12]

Nice. I have to get my flouter cleaned.

[Santa ... Shannon 160]

Wait. Did I really just get my ass handed to me by Santa Claus?

Oh, I wouldn't say that... just that Santa wants all the boys and girls to be nice to each other, and whether he hands out presents or a lump of coal (or gentle correction) he does so to foster a more generous and kind spirit. You were not being very nice to that fellow from Minnesota who had never worn shorts before and thought the socks were a practical addition. Picking on my attire (beloved by millions) in not helping your case, young man.

On with the TR. I'm enjoying the blackberries despite the prickles, so to speak.

[ºoºThomasclan85ºoº 8]

 

Those were the days?

 

 

Oh, I just meant that I was YOUNGER and things were more simple, yadda yadda yadda.....

[The Troll 67]

 These look like devil dogs that might walk off leash.

 

You may be on to something...

 

Yes...Awesomely cute!

Love the hammock, too.

:thumbsup3:

 

Yes, we love those dogs. And I love my hammock!

 

Oh, I wouldn't say that... just that Santa wants all the boys and girls to be nice to each other, and whether he hands out presents or a lump of coal (or gentle correction) he does so to foster a more generous and kind spirit. You were not being very nice to that fellow from Minnesota who had never worn shorts before and thought the socks were a practical addition. Picking on my attire (beloved by millions) in not helping your case, young man.

On with the TR. I'm enjoying the blackberries despite the prickles, so to speak.

 

Boys and girls? Um, I'm a troll, remember? So I'll go ahead and take the lump of coal.

 

Hey, you know one job that's more prestigious than Santa Claus impersonators?

 

Elvis impersonators.

 

I bet there's a convention you go to every year, isn't there? Ha ha...just kidding. Thanks for reading along!

 

Oh, I just meant that I was YOUNGER and things were more simple, yadda yadda yadda.....

 

Ahhh...to be younger.

[The Troll 67]

This is the end
Beautiful friend
This is the end
My only friend, the end...

 

We loved the time we spent with you

To share a song and a laugh or two

May your pleasures be many

Your troubles be few...

 

Yes, folks, this is the end. The end of another Troll Trip Report. It's a sad thing.

 

Every time a Fort trip comes to its end, on the very last day, I sink into a sick, depressed state. It's awful. The end of a Troll Trip Report isn't quite as bad, but it's like that.

 

So why does this report have to come to an end? Because I'm out of pictures, that's why.

 

From demon rubber hoses to the Rock of Love guy...from pictures of dog butt to stories about decorative rocks...from a wussy Captain Hook to gangstas invading the group camping area...from mowing over elderly people to rolled-up-on-the-sides cowboy hats...from kids photo bombing my pictures to kids setting me on fire with flaming marshmallows...from kids who don't like slides to Man Card revocations...from blocked stairwells to kids dressed up as the Ultimate Warrior...from $12 soap balls to $130 glasses of wine...from anniversary dinners at 'Ohana's to crappy Tom Cruise movies...from semi-pro River Dance dancers to baby harnesses...from Pontiac Fieros to God-awful mauve resort hotels...from incessant SQL server crashes to Darth Goofy...from luxury bowling to President Obama rolling gutter balls...it's another Troll Trip Report!

 

I love to write; I love to take pictures. And it's great to have an audience for both. Thanks, everyone, for reading along! Thanks, everyone, for commenting and contributing.

 

That's all for this time.

 

As I depart, however, I leave you a few mysteries to ponder:

 

Why was "Hee Haw" so popular? It was the same damned show every damned week.

Why did Minnie Pearl have that pricetag on her hat?

What is that ring around Kermit the Frog's neck? Real frogs don't have that.

Why do people keep deadly snakes as pets?

Why is Justin Bieber famous?

Why didn't the castaways just kill Gilligan?

Whatever happened to Robocop?

Why do Canadians play football with a longer field? So that they can claim that their players are better than ours?

Where is that moose topiary I demanded in my last report?

 

So long, everyone! I love you all (except Lou and the Santa Claus guy).

[CoachClough 12]

Now I'm left with a hollow...empty feeling.  Excellent report my good sir...

[ºoºThomasclan85ºoº 8]

Loved your report. Can't wait to read another!!

[LONE-STAR 370]

Well I can't say that I agree with all that you posted. But it was a good read. Well done.

[Sunset Lady 6]

I really enjoyed your trip report! Very entertaining!

[alexwyattmommy 181]

Sorry to see the end.  It was a great report.

[caveat lector 181]

As always, your views and frankness are very interesting read. The pictures offer a very unusual view of the Fort and are a lot of fun.

Rock On Troll.

Thanks!

[Katman1356...Jason 1,140]

Thanks Troll!

[Big Kahuna aka John 71]

Thank You for Sharing !   I loved the TR...

[Lou... 3,118]

So long, everyone! I love you all (except Lou and the Santa Claus guy).

 

Wow Troll, that goes from one end of the spectrum to the other end.

I guess I should be content to have dishonorable mention.

Some might say that it was a great TR, but as I've only read ten words of it, more or less, I'm not in a position to judge. But those ten words were pretty good. Yup, pretty good.

[GaDawgFan.....Kelly 799]

Thanks for the report and for making me laugh... A lot!

[Tri-Circle-D 2,059]

 

 

So long, everyone! I love you all (except Lou and the Santa Claus guy).

 

So there's no Troll Grudge^tm for the Contemporary lock out?

 

Good to know.

 

TDD

[CCIntrigue...aka Gwen 547]

So sorry to see this TR end!  Thanks for sharing!  And I loved the Troll Rants.

[dieseldave 5]

Another awesome report.  Thanks for sharing. :thumbsup2:

[dblr....Rennie 224]

Thanks Troll as usual very entertaining!!!!!!!!!

[AC in A2......Aaron 693]

Great TR again Troll!

 

I don't know about the castaways but I would have went Lord of the Flies on Gilligan after a day or two.

[Santa ... Shannon 160]

Thanks for sharing, troll. I really enjoyed the TR. Sorry you're still sore over my not bringing you that Barbie for your GIJoe to "play" with.