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Blood, Sweat, and Fiends: A Fort Fourth!


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Day One Continued:

Music: Soft Rock Beard

Drink: 400 Pound Monkey, Terrapin Rye, and TE Coffee

Smell: Wet Mulch and Cart exhaust

Set-up was complete! As I mentioned, we were in 1517. Backed right up to the canal!

This shot is from behind the site. I was stood where 30-40 years ago, the tracks of the FWRR would have lied beneath my flip-flopped feet.

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We stayed in this site before, in 2010.

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A quick dash to the Comfort Station:

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See that little thing by the arrow? Urban tagging of sorts, more on that later!

Who hasn’t seen this?

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We’ve got neighbors!

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Family of Bears is Brandy, Rick, and Bella. We met out and about whilst looping. Bella and my Annie became pals and hung out a bit.

BlondeBunny was also in our loop, right across the way!

I didn’t snap a photo of it, but the tetherball court once again became a parking lot for daytrippers mooching off the pool.

The pool was so crowded, that there was a crowd sitting in the grass looking at the pool going “Damn, that’s crowded!”

About that time, we considered a full family loop, even though we still were rolling with only one cart.

Back to the site, a couple of drops of rain, a flash of lightning, a rumble of thunder, and holy ish, the skies opened up in Biblical fashion. Everyone in…

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That’s MetalWife and the kids playing Scrabble Apple. We keep a drawer full games and doo-dads for just such an occasion.

Notice BassMaster is curled up on the galley bed to my right.

He’s 17 feet tall and picks the smallest spot in the camper to snooze. Why?

Look behind the kids. See all that stuff stacked up on his bunk?

A&E presents Hoarders: Gone Mobile

So here he is in all his glory, moustache and all!

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Within a few minutes we all decided that a family nap should ensue, so we all crashed for an hour or so until it stopped raining.

Ben and I awoke, everyone else was still snoozing away under the gentle caress of the popup AC.

We hopped into the cart to take care of a few pieces of business.

The pool was desolate.

Lightning and rain makes the daytripper load-out awkward, and I find strange delight in that.

First a run out to TE so Ben could fill his mug with coffee, I was still working the MH#9’s.

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We looped a couple of loops, checked on his in-laws in 1300.

Headed over to 1700 to see Jen and get “the sign”

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We chatted with Jen and Chris for a bit, got the sign, and bought some new Snarky T-shirts!

We saw some other fiend signs on the loop.

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Obviously, that same loop had Jen, Pam, and Lorna’s sign, which I didn’t snap for some reason.

It was about that time I noticed I was starting to lose battery power on the camera/phone, and I would have some difficulty over the next few days getting it keep a charge, which bummed me out.

I was looking forward to writing this TR, and those pics were vital!

Back at the campsite, we had Ben’s brisket going in the crockpot since set-up, but he had cooked ahead of time so it fell apart like little beefy blades of grass clippings. A carnivorous dream come true.

We served them on Publix French Hamburger Rolls with provolone and a dash of spicy Sweet Baby Ray’s BBQ sauce.

No pics, as the phone was trying to charge. And apparently Ben was saving his pics for fish.

Also, due to the cold, wet conditions in the coolers, I opted to take my beer portraits as part of the trip preparation, so the labels weren’t ripped or completely fallen off.

We sat around for a bit in our ritualistic beer tasting session.

We try to research and plan a theme for each session.

Tonight…animals!

First, from Colorado, Left Hand Brewery’s 400lb Monkey

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This was great. I wish we had more. Tasty and pretty potent.

Next up, Terrapin Pale Ale from Athens, GA.

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Pretty crisp and easy going. Of course, I spent the rest of the night singing “Hey, It’s Franklin”.

You may have to have small kids to understand that one.

Then we cleaned up, kids played a bit, and we realized it was getting dark.

“Holy ish, the fireworks!”

We totally forgot one of the main things we planned on. Fourth of July Fireworks!

We had no time to get the kids into costume or even wear our patriotic clothing we purchased for the trip.

Ben stayed behind to sit by Burny and rock a fire.

The rest of the six of us climbed onto the cart and headed up to Clementine’s Beach for the show.

We could already hear them.

We pulled in by the side entrance of BYBBQ where the staff used the air-traffic control light sabre’s to direct us in.

We got to the beach at 9:12pm, we picked out a spot to stand and proceeded to snap a series of the absolute worst fireworks photos ever captured.

Enjoy!

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Oh, it gets worse…

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And finally…

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And it was over.

9:14pm

All that…for 2 minutes of fireworks.

Oddly, we were totally happy with that!

Until we got to the cart

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It took us over 40 minutes to pass the 4-way stop.

They were only letting the carts out towards the beach, past Crockett’s, down the path to the guard crossing. What a mess.

The worst part is that all that mulch in the pathway and nearby manure from the horses and ponies was wet from the rain, and now steamy from the heat.

To top it off, we got stuck for a while behind a gas-powered cart that obviously needed a tune-up.

Nausea for all!

We got back to camp, some scattered to the showers, some by the fire, and I went to change into dry clothes in my bunk.

The difficult part of having so many in a popup is that you sometimes have to lie down in your bunk to change privately.

I put on Soft Rock Beard on the partially charged phone. Soft Rock Beard is a Pandora station I made featuring all the cheesy 70’s AM radio fare.

They all played soft rock, and all had beards… Orleans, Firefall, Pablo Cruise, Loggins & Messina, England Dan & John Ford Coley… I go crazy for that stuff!

Apparently I never came back out.

A pattern has formed.

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Maybe just a little. I need to set up another account just for TRs It may seem that way, but just because I was on the thread doesn't mean I was reading it. Nice detective work MD and nice job on the

Clairvoyance, it's a gift.

That’s the same expression I have on my face when starting a trip to the Fort. Enjoying the Trip Report. :)

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I can't remember seeing left hand here. Key word, "remember". The 400# monkey looks interesting, will have to try.

Terrapin, I like a good number of thier beers. Hope to take a tour of thier Athens distillery next year. Try the Coffee Oatmeal Stout.

I didn't realize that there was more Chucktown people here besides Brent and I......Who be this MsGus? Got to research.....

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MD reports kick ass!

Ben's mustache looks nicely groomed, and love his patriotic Mickey shirt.

Never had a 400 lb monkey (in beer or primate form)

Hate that traffic from the fireworks and will often skip them just for that reason.

LOVE all 70's music, cheesy or otherwise!

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MD reports kick ass!

Ben's mustache looks nicely groomed, and love his patriotic Mickey shirt.

Never had a 400 lb monkey (in beer or primate form)

Hate that traffic from the fireworks and will often skip them just for that reason.

LOVE all 70's music, cheesy or otherwise!

What she said.

MD TR's kick booty!

And a big Oy to that after fireworks traffic. That is courtesy of the idiot Fort managers and their even dumber Rangers. Folks were able to exit the fireworks on big nights just fine before those nimrods came around. In the meantime, I see they have done nothing to chase the freeloaders out of the pool. I am glad that I wasn't there on the 4th.

TCD

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MD reports kick ass!

Ben's mustache looks nicely groomed, and love his patriotic Mickey shirt.

Never had a 400 lb monkey (in beer or primate form)

Hate that traffic from the fireworks and will often skip them just for that reason.

LOVE all 70's music, cheesy or otherwise!

There's also something to be said abut having them every night. You get to a place where... eh, no big deal. Ben had the right idea, sat by the fire with no funky fumes, just the snap, crackle, pop of a Fort-ranger-approved fire pit!

What she said.

MD TR's kick booty!

And a big Oy to that after fireworks traffic. That is courtesy of the idiot Fort managers and their even dumber Rangers. Folks were able to exit the fireworks on big nights just fine before those nimrods came around. In the meantime, I see they have done nothing to chase the freeloaders out of the pool. I am glad that I wasn't there on the 4th.

TCD

They had a CM stationed at the service entrance/opening in the 300 loop to keep people from sneaking around the back or watching them from the "TCD spot".

They should do a simultaneous show and blow off some works on Disco Island. It would be safe, and all the Lake/Lagoon resorts could see it.

Like 3-D or theater in the round, but with fire!

Maybe next year we bring a canoe and make it interactive!

The freeloaders at the pool are brazen. All the pool cars parked in the loop had warning notes on them.

The next day, all back in the same spot, with warnings, or worse, the owner pulls the notice off the car where it blows around the loop like a suburban tumbleweed.

And don't get me started on the ones that go the wrong way on the loop and pull into a vacant site thinking it's a parking spot.

I wonder how much vacation time you spend waiting for your site to be ready because some douchenozzle parked in your site to avoid the bus?

Great update, John. Finally some music I remember. At least I think I remember it was the 70's after all. And for the record those aren't the worst fireworks pictures ever. I won't even post mine. :))

Thanks Dood. I kind of like that they suck, makes them unique! But they are pretty pathetic.

I'm a child of the 70s and started early with music, youngest of 8... Like beer, music is the reason and cure for all my problems!

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Day Two:

Music: Punch Brothers

Drink: Captain Morgan and Diet Dr. Pepper, together

Smell: Mud and Hot Sauce

Apparently, we forgot another big thing we had planned on…the big fiend potluck party!

We heard it was a great time… a love it or hate it affair, where the neighbors hated it and the loopers that happened by wished they were part of it!

But it was July 5, the day after the big patriotic birthday party… Do you feel older America?

Everyone always asks that question on your birthday. Weird hair growth patterns and medical issues generally demarcate my feeling of being “older”.

So, what seems to be my M.O. when I camp, I seem to move with the sun, crash at dark and up at daybreak, which kinda sucks because I’m not a morning person. And, I don’t drink coffee.

Ben was already up and gone to try a little fishing.

Annie and I took the opportunity to go get a couple of things we needed. Ice and chocolate milk!

We hopped into the cart and headed over to the Meadow Trading Post.

We went out back to see if Bob may be back on the dock, or if by some chance Bob and Ben had met up and didn’t even know it.

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Neither… But Annie now had it in her head. We were looking for Mr. Bob and she wasn’t going to let go of that until she found him.

You see this photo of Bear Rock a lot… a literal “rock” star.

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As I mentioned earlier, I was really going to soak in all the details of the Fort. The décor around the trading posts really sets the tone.

I’m a huge fan of Westerns, so I just love these types of things…

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Next, it was into the trading post for our wares. Trading Post is a misnomer of sorts.

I tried to pay in beads and beaver pelts, and they refused, they wanted my presidential post cards.

On our way, ducked through the next loop, and almost found Mr. Bob!

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No one was home. Where's Waldo?

Doodle was parked right next door, but I couldn’t get my phone to fire quick enough to get her sign.

But we did get TiggerinBabma’s.

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In their site sat the most gorgeous rig you’ve seen. It hurt my heart a little bit each time I drove by. One day MetalWife… one day!

Thou shalt not covet your neighbor’s 5er!

Back to the 1500 loop to ice down the coolers and work on a leisurely breakfast.

Ben was back, all sweaty and stinking of bass.

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We got the call from Sir Kenneth of Cart, our second ride was ready.

We went to the secret rendezvous spot to retrieve it, and raced back.

We got two superfast carts.

It was my weight vs. his moustache to see who was gonna blow the drag coefficient!

The moustache acted like an aerodynamic super hero cape as he beat me by a (facial) hair!

Mine looked cooler. It was black!

Time to get to cooking.

We’ve gotten into a routine where I cook my sausages and everyone snacks on those while Ben cooks up his BenskiMuffins.

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He makes the buttered toasted English muffins in the toaster oven, griddles the eggs, topped with cheddar and ham, and a generous splash of hot sauce!

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That’s cheese that’s melted from previous sandwiches, getting nice and crispy.

The adults eat last and collect the cheese crispies for their sandwiches. It’s like the driver gets the French fries at the bottom of the bag!

It was getting hot. Hotter really. So off to the pool!

The Fort pool during a Florida summer holiday weekend! 9000 people in and around a light blue Petrie dish.

Ben said the most disturbing part was that you couldn’t see the bottom.

It was so murky, and just this side of refreshing.

I’m sure we all had access to scurvy, mange, bubonic plague, and cooties!

We were there for hours. The slide, sharks and minnows. I spend a large portion of my pool time catching the kids at the bottom of the slide.

One of my favorite things is pointing out to strangers that they’re getting yelled at by the lifeguard.

They had one guard that spent the entire time singing at the top off her lungs.

In full emotion, wailing away, kids are drowning and she’s got her eyes closed giving Celine Dion hell. Rome burns and Nero fiddles away!

She wasn’t bad either!

Is it lunch time already?

I fired up Paul Jr. and did up some brats! This time it was Stadium Brats and Pizza Brats (which are better than they sound!)

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I made a mess. Mustard and Kraut… and I got the t-shirt to prove it!

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Damn, that was my Camping World shirt!

I hope Dave’s reading along. Up until now, I’m not a big fan of snapping photos of my food, but I was sacrificing for a fiend!

There was that patented “low lying area” that seems to be on most Fort loops, and seems to collect all the water from the big rains creating a mud bog that breeds those huge skeeters.

And the reason we go camping… so my kids can play in that mud!

Look Daddy… Ifound a baby frog!

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If you could see through the screen, you’d see Annie holding a baby frog.

Let it go… Ok Daddy!

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It’s there…really!

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A view from the picnic bench. That’s Gracie over there in the distance beyond the neighbors grill.

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Speaking of neighbors!

They were either a little nutty, a little brilliant, or perhaps a mix of both.

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This was an EZup, like the one I was sat in, all the way down at the bottom of the leg height, with what looked like an old tent for walls, a big honkin’ AC unit, and wrapped the whole thing in Saran Wrap!

I couldn’t stop looking at it for four days!

At night I discovered they had a TV with surround sound in there as well!

At this point, it was time for some looping, so Annie and I loaded up and went Fiend hunting!

As we were loading up the cart with Magic Hat and Hugs, two guys come flying around the loop in a cart, with one sat on the back filming only the outside sites of the loop.

I thought…hmmm one of the fiends will be doing sometime soon.

Then they came back around filming the interior sites. It clicked.

“Brent!” I yelled. The videographer flinched as I called!

So… When Brent posts his virtual Fort tour, you’ll see my big black truck third to last site on the first segment of the film of 1500, then you’ll hear my voice and see the camera jostle a little on the second go round!

We knew 1700 was a target rich environment!

We pulled up into Fiend Central! There they all were sat in front of Lorna’s rig…exactly like you’d expect them.

I was kind of nervous since there was so many. They looked suspiciously at me.

And, how do you walk into someone’s site and shout “Hey! I’m Metal Dad!” it’s like yelling “Hey! I’m insane”.

Fortunately Annie gave me a softer image!

I met Bob. Lorna, Richie, Doodle, Pam and a variety of spouses.

Annie gave all a little gift.

My kids love being part of this, even though they are not writing on the site.

So we found some Koosh flamingos.

They came out more purple than pink, so they ended up at the Dollar store, and the kids thought it would be a good peace offering when we met fiends!

As she made the rounds with her gift, I was grilled by the panel about where I was staying, how long was I in for, and what do I do for a living.

“I work for the devil…I sell insurance!”

They booted me out.

Never spoke again.

Now, they won’t even let me in the chat.

So I started drinking in earnest!

For this session, we thought music for a theme!

First up… Reggae! This was a nice beer from Northern California. Pretty robust for a summer brew.

Way heavier than Red Stripe or any Caribbean beer, as the label would imply.

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I drink a lot of Red Stripe during the summer.

Big reggae fan!

Here’s a shot from just before our Fort trip hosting a Reggae Jam on the beach! Just to get the whole insurance thing out of your head!

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Next up, one of my other loves… Metal. They label looks totally metal!

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Dead Guy Ale! A nice rich brew. Will visit this one again! He has a stronger, more expensive big brother.

Double Dead Guy Ale. That comes in a wine bottle and is priced as such!

Then, we got a Fort-themed beer for the finale!

Bluegrass (OK…a stretch!). We had talked about the FWRR, and I found this in my travels.

Railbender Ale from Erie, PA.

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This beer was terrible!

First, it hit the plastic cup and had a reaction. The first splash foamed like cotton candy and filled the cup.

The foam wouldn’t go down either. We thought after four hours we’d have to call a doctor.

What we could taste was fruity, like someone poured white zin into a vat of Yuengling.

What a waste!

MetalWife had been working here Lime-A-Rita’s, slowly but surely.

Ben and I decided to go out and about and see what’s going on.

We hit 1300, In-laws were away.

But we ran into Brent! Chatted for a bit.

At this point we hadn’t met Family of Bears yet (that’s their Indian name, like Dances With Wolves)

He told us that if we didn’t see them, that they were in the van drinking Crown!

Of course we headed over!

Said hello. It rained a bit, sun shower, we just chatted right through!

Next up, my son wanted to go exploring!

So I made the ill-fated decision to mix up some Captain Morgan with my Dr. Pepper.

Off we went.

Out to the special secret spot.

Got some photos albeit at a different time of day!

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Just me and my son…and his new Mohawk!

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On our way back we passed a ranger whilst we were carting out of bounds, but he couldn’t turn around fast enough, he may have called ahead… but those two security guys were on bikes.

Earlier in the day, Jen had mentioned there was a dirt road across from her site that led to a good special secret fishing spot.

Got Ben’s attention!

It’s hard to see when looping because you approach from the other direction.

John II and I found it!

We wandered on back.

Saw all sorts of interesting stuff!

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It was about this spot I started to get a little worried, the cart was getting into mushy ground, so I turned it around before having to make an embarrassing call.

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On our way back through, we were going a little slower, came upon an opening and stopped to take a photo.

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Unbeknownst to us, Ben and William were down there in the underbrush fishing!

Not me, I’m way too scared of snakes!

Back to the site, took the long way as usual!

Ben had chicken in the crockpot for all, so it was shredded Buffalo Chicken sandwiches!

No photos, sorry Dave!

That’s all I remember!

Apparently I went into the camper, played some of the Punch Brothers new record on my phone and wasn’t heard from again until the next morning.

That was the night that everybody came to visit!

Rita and her mother, Brandy and the Family of Bears, Brent…

And I’m sure there were some rangers and security personnel looking to stop by as well!

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Captain Morgan's and Diet Dr. Pepper, two of my most favorite beverages, why have I never thought of combining them? Since you survived this most awesome sounding combination I will surely try it.

It was great meeting you and your cutie pie DD. I have my flamingo in a place of honor in the MH! Sorry we only had a brief encounter, I spent most of my two weeks at the Fort in search of a breeze. I could usually be found at the pool, Lorna's or Bob's site or going as fast as I could on the GC.

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Great TR, looking forward to the group pics we snapped on the next day.

Don't feel too bad about the insurance stuff, Rick also is in the business :)

As for drinking crown in the van...I am not ashamed. It was wicked hot, and I had just curled my hair...a girl's gotta have a way to cool down.

Keep up the good work, loved the comfort station pic with the slice logo. Good stuff.

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Day Two:

Time to get to cooking.

We’ve gotten into a routine where I cook my sausages and everyone snacks on those while Ben cooks up his BenskiMuffins.

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He makes the buttered toasted English muffins in the toaster oven, griddles the eggs, topped with cheddar and ham, and a generous splash of hot sauce!

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That’s cheese that’s melted from previous sandwiches, getting nice and crispy.

The adults eat last and collect the cheese crispies for their sandwiches. It’s like the driver gets the French fries at the bottom of the bag!

Two comments about our food here, MD. First, notice the warning label on your cooktop; I may make a suggestion to the Comfort Station personnal that they post one of these above the outside door, especially when we've (that's you and I) been touring with beers from the dark side. Enough said.

Second, I must mention the double-yolk egg that looks like the bikini top for Mrs. Spongbob Squarepants, if there were such a character. The unplayed song for that day, "Itsy Bitsy, Teeny Weeny...". Sorry, I'm just adding to the cheesiness on the griddle, which just happens to be protected by Musket Mickey. Nice photo.

Oh, and thanks for including a photo of me in an upright and awake pose; the bass thanks you as well.

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I heeded your advice and took note of the smells, along with the music and beer choices.

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If you ever find yourself in the golf cart, off the beaten path, and The Stefa70 clan is there, I got your back! (And Tow Nater! ;) )

Another fun read, and I notice Ben has his own comedic side. Well done, Ben!

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I'm all caught up. Really enjoying the variety of beers. I can almost taste them. Well, except for cup-eating swill from Erie. I'm from the next county over and I've never heard of the place. Bet you wish you hadn't either.

Loving the breakfast and brat pics. Especially the cheese on the griddle. Mmm, burnt cheese.

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Captain Morgan's and Diet Dr. Pepper, two of my most favorite beverages, why have I never thought of combining them? Since you survived this most awesome sounding combination I will surely try it.

It was great meeting you and your cutie pie DD. I have my flamingo in a place of honor in the MH! Sorry we only had a brief encounter, I spent most of my two weeks at the Fort in search of a breeze. I could usually be found at the pool, Lorna's or Bob's site or going as fast as I could on the GC.

Morgan and Pepper is my summer after work cocktail! Fortunately, it's summer 11 months in a row here in Florida!

Yes, GC speed is the only breeze to be found.

I have to get more of those flamingos, Annie gave them all out in one sitting!

Great update MD!

Great update!

Awesome update. Some Fiend meetings and a good time.

Thanks! Glad you're still along!

Going to have to give Rouge another try. But I always choose something less expensive with them....

It was a special occasion! That's how I splained it to the Mrs!

great update.... :pc:

Thanks! Careful with that popcorn, we had a lot of squirrels active on the loop!

Great TR, looking forward to the group pics we snapped on the next day.

Don't feel too bad about the insurance stuff, Rick also is in the business :)

As for drinking crown in the van...I am not ashamed. It was wicked hot, and I had just curled my hair...a girl's gotta have a way to cool down.

Keep up the good work, loved the comfort station pic with the slice logo. Good stuff.

Indeed, group photo coming up soon! Funny, it's usually the Crown that curls my hair! The Slyce photos will be along too! On with the sillyness!

Lookking forward to the group pics!

Stay tuned!

Just noticed the bottom of the page!

CAUGHT YOU LOU...Reading a TR!!!!!!

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MetalDad, Lou......., AC in A2.........Aaron


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